Rules for Using the Elevator

• If there's no room on the elevator, just wait a minute and catch the next one. There are lots of them. You aren't that important.
  
• If you hit the wrong button by accident, you really don't need to explain to me that you hit the wrong button by accident. I don't think you're an epileptic, or capable of attending meetings on two floors simultaneously.
• There is no case in which it is okay for you to continue to stand in the doorway when the elevator stops at a floor you aren't waiting for. Somebody hit the button for this floor, asshole.
  
• There is a reasonable amount of perfume/cologne for human beings to wear. If you are incapable of observing this limit, take the stairs.
• If you're going up or down one floor, take the stairs.
• If you feel you need to take the elevator for one floor, don't try to mollify me with some cutesie bullshit. I've already made up my mind about you.
  
• If you're going to hold the elevator while you finish a conversation with someone who isn't coming, be prepared for me to:
  

1. Haul you into the elevator so the doors can close.
2. Beat the living shit out of you en route to the ground floor.

• Don't give me a dirty look if I catch you checking yourself out in the mirrors.
  

In general;

• Don't be an asshole.

That is all.