In Which the Author Discusses the Olympics, Calmly

I don't give a shit about the Olympics.

It's entertainment. That's all. It doesn't mean anything. It's really not very important.

Entertainment, of course, in the interests of gross human rights violations, pointless jingoistic flagwaving, and the world's most impressive display of naked greed. But, hey, whatever. Entertainment.

I know, I know, the Russian and Georgian athletes hugged after the five hundred meter wobbleball, so peace is coming to the Caucasus. Except Putin still has that shrine to Beria that he jerks off to every night, and the Army takes its orders from the KGB and not (note: not) from some meathead from Yekaterinburg who is really good at the five hundred meter wobbleball. So, you know, maybe not.

But all that's okay. Like I said, it's entertainment. It's a spectacle. People like their spectacle.

The bit that pushes me from "people are silly" into "what the hell is wrong with you people" territory is the medal count. Specifically, how the world is coming to an end because our medal count is hovering around zero.

Canada, I could not help but be informed, has not won any medals.

I don't give a shit about that either. More so.

Stephen Harper is already being blamed for this, naturally. And why not? Isn't everything, everywhere, automatically his fault? I stubbed my toe last night. Damn you, Stephen Harper! If only Dion was being allowed to raise my taxes while pontificating unintelligibly about David Suzuki, this wouldn't happen!

I don't care if Canada doesn't win any medals. I don't care if Canada never wins another Olympic medal ever again. Whether or not someone in geographical proximity to me is the best in the world at this moment at throwing a lawn dart fifty meters with their eyes closed just isn't the sort of thing that impacts my life in any meaningful way. In point of fact, the only people for whom this is important is the athlete themselves, their friends and family, and people who have a reasonable expectation of one day being the guy throwing the lawn dart with their eyes closed.

Medal counts are just proxy dick waving competitions between third-world hellholes and also-rans (and the United States, but I repeat myself). Nobody actually cares about the athletes. If they did, then we could run the Olympics without the flags or the national anthems or the god damned medal counts, and everyone would still watch. Right?

I'm entirely in favour of funding for amateur sports. At the local level, with the widest possible impact on the greatest number of people. As for professional athletes, I just don't care. Find some sponsors or find a way to make money from it, or just learn to play hockey, because apparently people are willing to pay for that. I'd much rather that we spend our money on important and relevant things like health care, education and national defence and not on a transitory, overblown ego-stroking on the international stage.

I'm just not that concerned with what Syria, Guatemala, or New Zealand thinks about us, and I personally don't need the validation.